You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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