32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
