Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
