I CAN MOONWALK!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
