i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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