Your face is a jimmy john
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
