I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
