Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
