I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
