Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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