im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Randomize
