No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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