the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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