There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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