this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
