and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
