tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
