If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
