you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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