With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
