She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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