I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dick very happy bro
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
