She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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