I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The air was thick with penises
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
