you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
