im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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