So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
