I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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