i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
