he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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