im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
