the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my shit smells like andre
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
