ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
