Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
