grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
