well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
