Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
