You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
