I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
