He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
