Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
