My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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