:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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