I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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