whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
