You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
