Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
