I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
