Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
