:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
