allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
