you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
