Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
