Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
