She said her name was "party"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
