grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
