Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
