sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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