My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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